A moment of despair
That forces you to say that life's unfair
It makes you scared of what tomorrow may bring
I took it too far, enough to irritate him. I didn't mean to. I never do of course. A bad habit of mine.That forces you to say that life's unfair
It makes you scared of what tomorrow may bring
It was just teasing about what if he finds someone else while we're away from each other. Who knows, maybe he'll have doubts about me. I don't, for the first time. It's an unfamiliar feeling, being happier than I thought I ever could be, which is more than I've hoped for. Well, as happy as I could be four hours away from him. And yes, I'm thankful it's not even farther than that, I'm aware of the small blessings.
There is no reason I can think of for being insecure. He's everything short of perfection. And I'm a total damaged mess, scared the same things will happen to me again, that things I hoped for are taken away from me in one fell swoop. It shouldn't be allowed to bring the emotional carry-on that comes from the one before, but how do we leave it behind? Aren't we supposed to learn from our mistakes? And if we do, wasn't the lesson be careful with my heart? It's fragile I've learned, although apparently in anatomy class, it'll be just fine protected by my ribcage. He promised to keep it safe. Promises were made to be broken, weren't they?
I feel so open, like he can read me. It makes me nervous to feel vulnerable. But there is no one else who I would feel safe with, knowing me.
To trust him completely. Almost all of me does. I'm trying.
8 more days.
You can't be afraid
To live for today
I will be with you each step of the way
[Joss Stone - Security]
To live for today
I will be with you each step of the way
[Joss Stone - Security]
2 comments:
Aww! Jan, I know how you feel. When we both went through it a long, long time ago we had so much faith and hope that it would work. And when it all came crashing down we both became dark and twisty. I know it's hard but think about it logically - you're both older and wiser and more mature. you're learning from both your mistakes. even jordan himself asked you point blank "why didn't you treat me the way you treated him?" hello, progress much? :P
and on the emotional side- this guy gives you butterflies, makes you weak in the knees and sweeps you off your feet. just take a deep breath, let go and enjoy the ride because he's so far done nothing but prove his love to you over and over again.
*hugs* i know it's hard (i'm struggling with those doubts too) but i think when you see him in 8 days and you hold each other, all doubts will dissipate and you'll feel so much better. :)
i'm counting down with you! <3
i barely know D, but i do know you! and even though i haven't seen you in forever, i have been a good little tech spy over these past few months and everything i've seen (from gchat away messages, to cute-coupley photos, to even cuter wall-to-wall convos, to that one time i actually saw you two together at my bday party) gives me every confidence that you and D have nothing to worry about. I agree with tiff that all of us are at a far different place now than when we just started college. we've each grown so much... and i hope you're always happy :)
love you! <3
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