Empty Chair

Sometimes I think, "Gee, being on my own is so fun. I can do what I want, I can watch what I want, and I can go where I want." But, I realize that I miss her so much. I need her here with me. I want her here with me. I blame her for not being here but, in the end it is my fault. I should be there. I lose control without her. I have become so dependent on her that it scares me. The her is Katrina, from her earlier posts. I dare you to try a long distance relationship, I challenge you. I have become a monster, I get angry all the time. I tell myself that it is not because of her, but it is. I know, I know, this is a very dark and angry post but, when you have dealt with what I have this is honest. Sometimes angry is good, it gets the crazy out. I just am very broken up by her not with me. I love her so much, and sometimes I don't show it. It is the simple things, like visits or phone calls. Medical school makes her very busy so, I don't get visits or phone calls like I use too. But, hey, later in life I guess I can reap the benefits from doctor life. It just sucks, I don't know how people do this. I have never felt like this before but getting older has changed me. My friends now spend all their time with their girls and where is mine?!?!?! My advice is to remember every moment and down right take mental photos of your other. You never know when you will be apart. But who am I to talk, I am just a miserable person, who sometimes likes the drama. Good luck with the distance. Oh yeah, that pic is the Chinese symbol for true love. I think I can actually explain what love means, so I guess distance did do something for me. Go Mets!!!!