love itself shall slumber on...

I used part of this quote in my blog today (throwback to middle school English, anyone?), but I think the poem as a whole relates to jan's last entry and I especaially resonate with the last two lines. It's all about heightening our senses so that when we are physically apart from something or someone we can still remember how we felt when we were together.

MUSIC, when soft voices die,
Vibrates in the memory;
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,
Live within the sense they quicken.

Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Are heap'd for the belovèd's bed;
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,
Love itself shall slumber on.

-- Percy Bysshe Shelley

only time will tell.

It's been a month and a week since I last saw him. And when I got his message that he was waiting for me, I left class, thinking I would be back in time for the physiology exam review that upcoming week. Instead, I couldn't leave, and I didn't.

It feels like months have passed since I last saw him. Though it's only been a month, all the little things slipped my mind, the way he kisses me, the way he looks at me when I'm falling asleep, the way his arm drapes around my waist when we're asleep. Maybe it was the way I was coping, with not being able to have him in my life everyday. But it all came back so fast and in such vivid clarity, and I'm so thankful he was here with me.

I don't know how I'm going to keep doing this. This back and forth living with and without him. I'm not patient enough. Everything happens in its own time, but when?

A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

Edit: He left today. He told me to think of it as he's going off to work...and he'll be home soon. Although it'll be me coming home to him in a month and a half. Now to survive the remaining exams and finals and practicals, so I can go home to him. I just want to feel his breathing against the back of my neck as he sleeps with his arms around me.

Stay with me.

I was thrown back to early college years this week, thinking of when I fell in love with a song written by one of the guys from Penn Masala, Sandeep. He wrote "Stay with me" for his sister's wedding and even now when I listen to it I find it really touching. Unfortunately, I cant find the link for this song, but its the thought of its message thats really driving this post.

My best friend's engagement party is this weekend and I am going stag. Of course, I could bring a guest, but I figured I'm going to see all my friends so it shouldn't matter. But then, this weekend, as my mind wandered from the lumbosacral plexus and gluconeogenesis to what I'd be wearing and who I would see, I kept getting stuck on the thought that I would be at an engagement party, seeing all of my friends and their boyfriends, by myself. To put it another way, I'd be the only alone person there. I'm sure this is probably not a logical thought, but still, I felt really sad all at one moment. So, of course, I called up my boyfriend to vent about the sadness and how much I missed him. In that one conversation, I saw all the reasons why I love him. I realized that as helpless as I am in this, so is he. I also realized how truly sweet and comforting he can be as he told me not to worry, that we would share many more memories together, and that even though he couldn't be there physically he is always there for me. With those words, I realized that I am truly lucky, to have someone who cares about me so much and is so supportive even as we move through tough times. I am actually far from being "alone."

So, back to the song. There is one line that I always come back to...."Never know tomorrow where we'll be, but I wanna find where this may lead.... Stay with me." 

For you.

PS: congrats to the bride and groom, two very special ppl that I am also to glad to have in my life.

now...

I was planning on saving this for some other (yet to be thought up) entry. But I feel compelled to post it tonight, for no particular reason. Perhaps you can relate, and maybe it can help in some way.

Now that I need you more than ever
Now you are so far from me, like forever
I wrote to tell you that I miss you
I wrote to tell you that I still love you.
-- Moazzam Rauf

better together.

So it's been almost 2 months since I moved down to DC. And so far I've been blessed with the chance to spend more time than I expected with Alphonse, including several weeks that he visited for during the summer, and being able to see him just about every weekend. But the days we're apart now are different from the days we used to spend apart when I lived back in NY. Even though we weren't together every day back then, there was a certain comfort in knowing that my boy was not too far away, and that an impromptu visit could be made if the missing got too bad. But even know, the DC-NY trip isn't so bad, and I'm not complaining... but it's definitely better when we're together.

There's no combination of words

I could put on the back of a postcard

No song that I could sing

But I can try for your heart

Our dreams, and they are made out of real things

Like a, shoebox of photographs

With sepia-tone loving

Love is the answer,

At least for most of the questions in my heart

Like why are we here? And where do we go?

And how come it's so hard?

It's not always easy and

Sometimes life can be deceiving

I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together

-- Jack Johnson, Better Together

Long Distance Love Story In Progress

I wanted to share with you an incredible love story that was featured in the newspaper here a month ago. Entitled, A Modern-day Flickr Fairy Tale, it narrates the story of how two perfect strangers, one in South Carolina and the other in England, fell in love and are currently making it work. It's beautiful, touching, and inspiring and I hope it gives all of you a renewed sense of hope that we can all beat the odds and have our own fairy tale endings. :)

http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/you/blogaddicts/view/20080804-152588/A-modern-day-Flickr-fairy-tale

Hope everyone's doing well. Good luck on your exams! I miss you guys.


Sending Long Distance Tropical Hugs and Kisses,
Tiffy :)

(in)security

A moment of despair
That forces you to say that life's unfair
It makes you scared of what tomorrow may bring

I took it too far, enough to irritate him. I didn't mean to. I never do of course. A bad habit of mine.

It was just teasing about what if he finds someone else while we're away from each other. Who knows, maybe he'll have doubts about me. I don't, for the first time. It's an unfamiliar feeling, being happier than I thought I ever could be, which is more than I've hoped for. Well, as happy as I could be four hours away from him. And yes, I'm thankful it's not even farther than that, I'm aware of the small blessings.

There is no reason I can think of for being insecure. He's everything short of perfection. And I'm a total damaged mess, scared the same things will happen to me again, that things I hoped for are taken away from me in one fell swoop. It shouldn't be allowed to bring the emotional carry-on that comes from the one before, but how do we leave it behind? Aren't we supposed to learn from our mistakes? And if we do, wasn't the lesson be careful with my heart? It's fragile I've learned, although apparently in anatomy class, it'll be just fine protected by my ribcage. He promised to keep it safe. Promises were made to be broken, weren't they?

I feel so open, like he can read me. It makes me nervous to feel vulnerable. But there is no one else who I would feel safe with, knowing me.

To trust him completely. Almost all of me does. I'm trying.

8 more days.

You can't be afraid
To live for today
I will be with you each step of the way
[Joss Stone - Security]

lovable mess.

"Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts."

-Oliver Wendell Holmes-

Sunday, August 31, 2008. Typical goodbye scene between me and the boy. We're waiting in the car for the train to pull up to the station to take me far away from him. I'm a hot, crying mess, saying that I don't want to leave. And then we have a convo like this:

me: i'm a mess...
him: yea, but you're my mess (smiles)
me: (jokingly) you sure you wanna marry this crazy mess?!
him: i'm positive

And I thought it was a cute moment, and an okay good-bye, as far as good-byes go...

That was until I heard pretty much the exact same lines in the season premier of One Tree Hill the next night (click here)... from the mess comments to the wedding jokes, only difference was that it was at an airport, not a train station. Alas, OTH totally stole my thunder. But we're still cute. And saying good-bye still sucks.