feeling good.

Things have been stressful lately with exams. Do they purposely have to make med school a marathon?! Its been awhile since my last post so its time for an update. These days, life has proved to be full of little things that make me appreciate my life right now. I am lucky to be where I am right now for many reasons. First off, I am surprising myself with the amount of discipline I gained (during my year off?). I mean, I was master procrastinator in college so how the heck am I putting in 8 hours a day of studying?! Maybe its coffee. I never knew. Second, I have been reforming my relationship with my sister. I'm learning to appreciate all the things she had to go through over the last few years and its going a long way to bridging some of the distance between us over the last year. Third, my mom has lightened up and stops by to cook for me and bring me cookies and ice cream!! (this coming from the mom who removed all sugar filled products from our house when I was 12). Good stuff. Fourth, I have made some great friends who come to surprise visit me and help me remember how to have fun...and I am getting better at keeping in touch with old friends (thanks to skype and blogs, lol). And lastly, my boyfriend has been super supportive and still makes me laugh in my most stressed moments. 

With my birthday coming up, I have to shake myself into remembering that I am still so young with not much life experience (despite my old person aches and pains). But, I feel like things have changed so much. This blog is not about referring to past, bad experiences, but I know that I wouldn't be thankful for where I am if I didn't remember where I was before.  Sigh, I didn't know relationships were supposed to be like this! I feel bad about losing so much of my college experience trying to make myself something else for a relationship and alienating my friends. I'm lucky I have friends that saw past that and time to grow from my experience. 

Lastly, I am super super excited to vote! Thankfully, I finish exams the day before so I can watch the results. I'll be crossing my fingers and toes!

PS: I have been cooking again, more out of necessity, but I was excited because my last few recipes have come out really well. I made a fritata, a la your dish from sophomore year Jan! Now if only I had some time to bake...

counting down again.

It's been one year.

One year since he asked me to be his girlfriend with a single long stemmed red rose, and it caught me off guard. And since then, he's been catching me off guard.

I feel so blessed to have him in my life.
He'll be boring with me while I study in my room, message me randomly with hearts, send me flowers on our anniversary so I have something pretty in my bare dorm room, serenade me before I go to sleep, wake me for my exams so I can wake up to his voice instead of my annoying blackberry alarms.

But at the same time I don't have him.
He's still a plane ride away, and another two weeks that are just dragging until I'm back home. And still an anatomy practical, six finals in my way. And I feel like I'm burning out already. We talk plenty, but I'm still worried that we might drift apart. Separate social lives, separate schedules. What if it's just too much?

The power went out today. Entire school. Apparently, the second years were having a practical and had just 9 minutes left. They have to finish on Monday and worry more this weekend. I couldn't stand to stay in my room, it was suffocating without the light and it was getting darker outside. So with two friends in tow, we went off to Intelligentsia (best coffee by far in Chicago) by Millennium Park (it's really autumn now...) for a break and to study there, which digressed into going to a bookstore and looking at bridal magazines instead for two hours with coffee.

I felt like I was home again. Just being silly, doing silly things, without having the stress of constant exams on my mind. It made me miss more than just missing him. I missed doing absolutely mundane errands and the most random tangents of our days together. Like taking an unplanned left turn on Hill St. and going future house "shopping". Going to LA Mill for siphon brewed coffee (though sg had the best and only siphon brewed Jamaican Blue Mountain. Sigh. I miss it.) and faux-stalking Eton, head barista, and arguing if it's pronounced "ee-ton" or "eh-ton". I forget which side I was arguing for even now.

Two more weeks. I'm always counting down.

sun comes up

this song has been in my head/on repeat on my itunes lately.

thought you might relate...

Baby when the sun comes up, I'm gonna be holding you

It's destiny that your next to me, I'm in love with you

Oh and baby when I wake up, I'm gonna be there with you,

A new day arrives, I wanna look in your eyes

When the sun comes up

Wishing I Was There

A little something I'm sure we've all felt at one point or another during the course of our long distance relationships...


hi baby,

right now you're sleeping but you're about to wake up. typically you'll snooze the alarm and snuggle up to me for a few more minutes before finally waking up to go to the bathroom. you'll pee, you'll wash your hands and face, you'll shave, you'll brush your teeth, you'll spray your axe and no matter how strong it is, i still love the way you smell. around this time you'll leave the bathroom to put on some clothes, and later to check the weather and grab a granola bar from the kitchen. and then you'll come over to the bed as i sleep there and kiss me on the forehead. sometimes i'm already awake and i reach over to hold your hand and just to feel you on my skin. the touch is soft and fleeting and it always leaves me wanting more. and when you whisper i love you it's always the point where i never want you to leave. where i wish that you could skip work and spend the day cuddling with me. i loved when you held me to sleep. i loved waking up next to you. <3

it's the end of the fourth full week of our separation, and it hasn't gotten any easier. maybe a part of me has become a little number because the pain i feel whenever you're not next to me as i go to bed has hardened me a little bit. there are nights that exhaustion gets the better of me and i can sleep without feeling empty. but sometimes, exhaustion isn't enough and i find a silent, solitary tear trickle down my cheek and onto the pillow. i miss you so much that it hurts.

on the whole i know that wherever we are, whatever we're doing, we're in each other's minds constantly. sometimes it manifests itself in a song that pops up on the radio, a little article on article on the internet, the smell of my (still-packed-in-my-luggage) clothes, or even in a food that i don't like to eat (that you happen to like). i smile when i think of you but i can not ignore that little twinge in my heart that wishes you were here to share these little moments with me.

as i mentioned before, the memories that float back to me are always the haphazard ones. the big "milestone" moments are in there - like the first time you said you loved me, vacations we've taken together. but takeout on the couch, and our sporadic sunday breakfasts of waffles, eggs and sausages ranks up just as highly as those.

as i'm rediscovering manila, i find that myself taking down little mental notes of places to take you so that you may be able to enjoy my home just as much as i used to before i left. before i knew that there was a whole different home that i could have. there are so many experiences i want to share with you. but most of all i wouldn't even mind just locking myself in a hotel room with you and just holding you. it's only been 33 days and this number will get higher... but one day a countdown of a different sort will start and one day it'll be 33 days til we see each other again.

on friday nights you would typically come home early - the 3:30 if you're lucky, or even the 5:30 at the very latest... we'd have dinner out and depending on our moods we'd either be out and about, or chilling on the couch watching "no reservations" or one of the other things on tivo.

and when we turn the lights out at the end of the day, i go to sleep thinking about how happy and how lucky i am to have you in my life.

and about how the hell you can snore so loudly! :P but that's another story. and i wouldn't trade the snoring for anything else in the world.

<3

love and miss you.

mimoo...

yours,
tiffany