Long Distance Sucks

My name is Tiffany and I hate long distance.

It's been 2 and a half months since that airport goodbye scene and thinking about the last time I saw him and held him in my arms still brings tears to my eyes.

There are days that I actually manage to convince myself that I'm used to it- this new life without him physically being there. In my head, it's something that I personally need to go through. My last relationship (before it got to the stage of us going long-distance) made me incredibly dependent on my ex boyfriend. I tell myself that this time, I can still manage to be in a relationship without losing my own sense of identity. And sometimes I really manage to fool myself into believing that this is better for us. Because there are some days that the mundane, everyday routines get so repetitive, that I become so used to the void that I don't even notice it anymore.

But just because I don't notice it, doesn't mean it's not there.

There are days that it really hits me hard that he's not around. The void becomes heart-breakingly painful and I just sit there wishing that I could magically transport him here, or transport myself there. It seems to hit equally hard during happy occasions with friends when I wish that he could share it with me and during sad occasions such as bad days or fights with my parents. Narrating either event on email or chat just doesn't have the same impact. And online hugs just don't feel as good as real ones.

The worst part about our situation is that we don't know when we can see each other again. International flights are ridiculously expensive and vacation days are hard to come by. And then there's the fact that my traditional parents will probably flip a sh-t at the idea of their little girl going on holiday with a boy. I don't even want to begin to explain to them why we're not going to be in separate rooms. I don't think the excuse "it's cheaper" is really going to fly with them.

It's just a little sad because when we talk, we have all these grand plans for the future. There's the possibility of going to business school together, going to these exotic places for vacations, and the dream apartment that we want to have when we've somehow miraculously won the lottery and can afford that penthouse apartment overlooking Central Park.

It's memories and daydreams like these that make me tear up as I fall asleep, wishing for the weight of his arm around me, and the feeling of warmth as he holds me and I drift off to sleep pretending he'll never let me go.

In the end, what keeps me sane is the thought that there is most likely a grand plan for me out there that will make this all worth it in the end. And if that doesn't come soon enough, hopefully by then I'll be able to take matters into my own hands and give destiny a little nudge.

feeling good.

Things have been stressful lately with exams. Do they purposely have to make med school a marathon?! Its been awhile since my last post so its time for an update. These days, life has proved to be full of little things that make me appreciate my life right now. I am lucky to be where I am right now for many reasons. First off, I am surprising myself with the amount of discipline I gained (during my year off?). I mean, I was master procrastinator in college so how the heck am I putting in 8 hours a day of studying?! Maybe its coffee. I never knew. Second, I have been reforming my relationship with my sister. I'm learning to appreciate all the things she had to go through over the last few years and its going a long way to bridging some of the distance between us over the last year. Third, my mom has lightened up and stops by to cook for me and bring me cookies and ice cream!! (this coming from the mom who removed all sugar filled products from our house when I was 12). Good stuff. Fourth, I have made some great friends who come to surprise visit me and help me remember how to have fun...and I am getting better at keeping in touch with old friends (thanks to skype and blogs, lol). And lastly, my boyfriend has been super supportive and still makes me laugh in my most stressed moments. 

With my birthday coming up, I have to shake myself into remembering that I am still so young with not much life experience (despite my old person aches and pains). But, I feel like things have changed so much. This blog is not about referring to past, bad experiences, but I know that I wouldn't be thankful for where I am if I didn't remember where I was before.  Sigh, I didn't know relationships were supposed to be like this! I feel bad about losing so much of my college experience trying to make myself something else for a relationship and alienating my friends. I'm lucky I have friends that saw past that and time to grow from my experience. 

Lastly, I am super super excited to vote! Thankfully, I finish exams the day before so I can watch the results. I'll be crossing my fingers and toes!

PS: I have been cooking again, more out of necessity, but I was excited because my last few recipes have come out really well. I made a fritata, a la your dish from sophomore year Jan! Now if only I had some time to bake...

counting down again.

It's been one year.

One year since he asked me to be his girlfriend with a single long stemmed red rose, and it caught me off guard. And since then, he's been catching me off guard.

I feel so blessed to have him in my life.
He'll be boring with me while I study in my room, message me randomly with hearts, send me flowers on our anniversary so I have something pretty in my bare dorm room, serenade me before I go to sleep, wake me for my exams so I can wake up to his voice instead of my annoying blackberry alarms.

But at the same time I don't have him.
He's still a plane ride away, and another two weeks that are just dragging until I'm back home. And still an anatomy practical, six finals in my way. And I feel like I'm burning out already. We talk plenty, but I'm still worried that we might drift apart. Separate social lives, separate schedules. What if it's just too much?

The power went out today. Entire school. Apparently, the second years were having a practical and had just 9 minutes left. They have to finish on Monday and worry more this weekend. I couldn't stand to stay in my room, it was suffocating without the light and it was getting darker outside. So with two friends in tow, we went off to Intelligentsia (best coffee by far in Chicago) by Millennium Park (it's really autumn now...) for a break and to study there, which digressed into going to a bookstore and looking at bridal magazines instead for two hours with coffee.

I felt like I was home again. Just being silly, doing silly things, without having the stress of constant exams on my mind. It made me miss more than just missing him. I missed doing absolutely mundane errands and the most random tangents of our days together. Like taking an unplanned left turn on Hill St. and going future house "shopping". Going to LA Mill for siphon brewed coffee (though sg had the best and only siphon brewed Jamaican Blue Mountain. Sigh. I miss it.) and faux-stalking Eton, head barista, and arguing if it's pronounced "ee-ton" or "eh-ton". I forget which side I was arguing for even now.

Two more weeks. I'm always counting down.

sun comes up

this song has been in my head/on repeat on my itunes lately.

thought you might relate...

Baby when the sun comes up, I'm gonna be holding you

It's destiny that your next to me, I'm in love with you

Oh and baby when I wake up, I'm gonna be there with you,

A new day arrives, I wanna look in your eyes

When the sun comes up

Wishing I Was There

A little something I'm sure we've all felt at one point or another during the course of our long distance relationships...


hi baby,

right now you're sleeping but you're about to wake up. typically you'll snooze the alarm and snuggle up to me for a few more minutes before finally waking up to go to the bathroom. you'll pee, you'll wash your hands and face, you'll shave, you'll brush your teeth, you'll spray your axe and no matter how strong it is, i still love the way you smell. around this time you'll leave the bathroom to put on some clothes, and later to check the weather and grab a granola bar from the kitchen. and then you'll come over to the bed as i sleep there and kiss me on the forehead. sometimes i'm already awake and i reach over to hold your hand and just to feel you on my skin. the touch is soft and fleeting and it always leaves me wanting more. and when you whisper i love you it's always the point where i never want you to leave. where i wish that you could skip work and spend the day cuddling with me. i loved when you held me to sleep. i loved waking up next to you. <3

it's the end of the fourth full week of our separation, and it hasn't gotten any easier. maybe a part of me has become a little number because the pain i feel whenever you're not next to me as i go to bed has hardened me a little bit. there are nights that exhaustion gets the better of me and i can sleep without feeling empty. but sometimes, exhaustion isn't enough and i find a silent, solitary tear trickle down my cheek and onto the pillow. i miss you so much that it hurts.

on the whole i know that wherever we are, whatever we're doing, we're in each other's minds constantly. sometimes it manifests itself in a song that pops up on the radio, a little article on article on the internet, the smell of my (still-packed-in-my-luggage) clothes, or even in a food that i don't like to eat (that you happen to like). i smile when i think of you but i can not ignore that little twinge in my heart that wishes you were here to share these little moments with me.

as i mentioned before, the memories that float back to me are always the haphazard ones. the big "milestone" moments are in there - like the first time you said you loved me, vacations we've taken together. but takeout on the couch, and our sporadic sunday breakfasts of waffles, eggs and sausages ranks up just as highly as those.

as i'm rediscovering manila, i find that myself taking down little mental notes of places to take you so that you may be able to enjoy my home just as much as i used to before i left. before i knew that there was a whole different home that i could have. there are so many experiences i want to share with you. but most of all i wouldn't even mind just locking myself in a hotel room with you and just holding you. it's only been 33 days and this number will get higher... but one day a countdown of a different sort will start and one day it'll be 33 days til we see each other again.

on friday nights you would typically come home early - the 3:30 if you're lucky, or even the 5:30 at the very latest... we'd have dinner out and depending on our moods we'd either be out and about, or chilling on the couch watching "no reservations" or one of the other things on tivo.

and when we turn the lights out at the end of the day, i go to sleep thinking about how happy and how lucky i am to have you in my life.

and about how the hell you can snore so loudly! :P but that's another story. and i wouldn't trade the snoring for anything else in the world.

<3

love and miss you.

mimoo...

yours,
tiffany

love itself shall slumber on...

I used part of this quote in my blog today (throwback to middle school English, anyone?), but I think the poem as a whole relates to jan's last entry and I especaially resonate with the last two lines. It's all about heightening our senses so that when we are physically apart from something or someone we can still remember how we felt when we were together.

MUSIC, when soft voices die,
Vibrates in the memory;
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,
Live within the sense they quicken.

Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Are heap'd for the belovèd's bed;
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,
Love itself shall slumber on.

-- Percy Bysshe Shelley

only time will tell.

It's been a month and a week since I last saw him. And when I got his message that he was waiting for me, I left class, thinking I would be back in time for the physiology exam review that upcoming week. Instead, I couldn't leave, and I didn't.

It feels like months have passed since I last saw him. Though it's only been a month, all the little things slipped my mind, the way he kisses me, the way he looks at me when I'm falling asleep, the way his arm drapes around my waist when we're asleep. Maybe it was the way I was coping, with not being able to have him in my life everyday. But it all came back so fast and in such vivid clarity, and I'm so thankful he was here with me.

I don't know how I'm going to keep doing this. This back and forth living with and without him. I'm not patient enough. Everything happens in its own time, but when?

A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

Edit: He left today. He told me to think of it as he's going off to work...and he'll be home soon. Although it'll be me coming home to him in a month and a half. Now to survive the remaining exams and finals and practicals, so I can go home to him. I just want to feel his breathing against the back of my neck as he sleeps with his arms around me.

Stay with me.

I was thrown back to early college years this week, thinking of when I fell in love with a song written by one of the guys from Penn Masala, Sandeep. He wrote "Stay with me" for his sister's wedding and even now when I listen to it I find it really touching. Unfortunately, I cant find the link for this song, but its the thought of its message thats really driving this post.

My best friend's engagement party is this weekend and I am going stag. Of course, I could bring a guest, but I figured I'm going to see all my friends so it shouldn't matter. But then, this weekend, as my mind wandered from the lumbosacral plexus and gluconeogenesis to what I'd be wearing and who I would see, I kept getting stuck on the thought that I would be at an engagement party, seeing all of my friends and their boyfriends, by myself. To put it another way, I'd be the only alone person there. I'm sure this is probably not a logical thought, but still, I felt really sad all at one moment. So, of course, I called up my boyfriend to vent about the sadness and how much I missed him. In that one conversation, I saw all the reasons why I love him. I realized that as helpless as I am in this, so is he. I also realized how truly sweet and comforting he can be as he told me not to worry, that we would share many more memories together, and that even though he couldn't be there physically he is always there for me. With those words, I realized that I am truly lucky, to have someone who cares about me so much and is so supportive even as we move through tough times. I am actually far from being "alone."

So, back to the song. There is one line that I always come back to...."Never know tomorrow where we'll be, but I wanna find where this may lead.... Stay with me." 

For you.

PS: congrats to the bride and groom, two very special ppl that I am also to glad to have in my life.

now...

I was planning on saving this for some other (yet to be thought up) entry. But I feel compelled to post it tonight, for no particular reason. Perhaps you can relate, and maybe it can help in some way.

Now that I need you more than ever
Now you are so far from me, like forever
I wrote to tell you that I miss you
I wrote to tell you that I still love you.
-- Moazzam Rauf

better together.

So it's been almost 2 months since I moved down to DC. And so far I've been blessed with the chance to spend more time than I expected with Alphonse, including several weeks that he visited for during the summer, and being able to see him just about every weekend. But the days we're apart now are different from the days we used to spend apart when I lived back in NY. Even though we weren't together every day back then, there was a certain comfort in knowing that my boy was not too far away, and that an impromptu visit could be made if the missing got too bad. But even know, the DC-NY trip isn't so bad, and I'm not complaining... but it's definitely better when we're together.

There's no combination of words

I could put on the back of a postcard

No song that I could sing

But I can try for your heart

Our dreams, and they are made out of real things

Like a, shoebox of photographs

With sepia-tone loving

Love is the answer,

At least for most of the questions in my heart

Like why are we here? And where do we go?

And how come it's so hard?

It's not always easy and

Sometimes life can be deceiving

I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together

-- Jack Johnson, Better Together

Long Distance Love Story In Progress

I wanted to share with you an incredible love story that was featured in the newspaper here a month ago. Entitled, A Modern-day Flickr Fairy Tale, it narrates the story of how two perfect strangers, one in South Carolina and the other in England, fell in love and are currently making it work. It's beautiful, touching, and inspiring and I hope it gives all of you a renewed sense of hope that we can all beat the odds and have our own fairy tale endings. :)

http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/you/blogaddicts/view/20080804-152588/A-modern-day-Flickr-fairy-tale

Hope everyone's doing well. Good luck on your exams! I miss you guys.


Sending Long Distance Tropical Hugs and Kisses,
Tiffy :)

(in)security

A moment of despair
That forces you to say that life's unfair
It makes you scared of what tomorrow may bring

I took it too far, enough to irritate him. I didn't mean to. I never do of course. A bad habit of mine.

It was just teasing about what if he finds someone else while we're away from each other. Who knows, maybe he'll have doubts about me. I don't, for the first time. It's an unfamiliar feeling, being happier than I thought I ever could be, which is more than I've hoped for. Well, as happy as I could be four hours away from him. And yes, I'm thankful it's not even farther than that, I'm aware of the small blessings.

There is no reason I can think of for being insecure. He's everything short of perfection. And I'm a total damaged mess, scared the same things will happen to me again, that things I hoped for are taken away from me in one fell swoop. It shouldn't be allowed to bring the emotional carry-on that comes from the one before, but how do we leave it behind? Aren't we supposed to learn from our mistakes? And if we do, wasn't the lesson be careful with my heart? It's fragile I've learned, although apparently in anatomy class, it'll be just fine protected by my ribcage. He promised to keep it safe. Promises were made to be broken, weren't they?

I feel so open, like he can read me. It makes me nervous to feel vulnerable. But there is no one else who I would feel safe with, knowing me.

To trust him completely. Almost all of me does. I'm trying.

8 more days.

You can't be afraid
To live for today
I will be with you each step of the way
[Joss Stone - Security]

lovable mess.

"Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts."

-Oliver Wendell Holmes-

Sunday, August 31, 2008. Typical goodbye scene between me and the boy. We're waiting in the car for the train to pull up to the station to take me far away from him. I'm a hot, crying mess, saying that I don't want to leave. And then we have a convo like this:

me: i'm a mess...
him: yea, but you're my mess (smiles)
me: (jokingly) you sure you wanna marry this crazy mess?!
him: i'm positive

And I thought it was a cute moment, and an okay good-bye, as far as good-byes go...

That was until I heard pretty much the exact same lines in the season premier of One Tree Hill the next night (click here)... from the mess comments to the wedding jokes, only difference was that it was at an airport, not a train station. Alas, OTH totally stole my thunder. But we're still cute. And saying good-bye still sucks.

Love Remains the Same...

"I never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change...

I wish this could last forever...
Love Remains the Same"
-Gavin Rossdale, Love Remains the Same

After numerous conversations and weeks of debating the pro's and con's of doing the long distance thing, we finally decided that it was worth giving it a try and sticking it out. We've discussed it numerous times and it seemed inevitable that we were going to break up the day of my flight (Friday, Aug. 29, 10:10am) because the idea of not knowing when or if I'd even be back in the US of A was just making the already-uncertain future even more murky. Being both "dark and twisty" people we wanted to play it safe and break it off before anyone gets hurt.

So imagine Karl's surprise when a little drunken Tiffany stumbled over to him after 3 beers, 1 shot of Soco Lime, 1 shot of Jaeger, 1 shot of Kamikaze and 1 shot of I-have-no-effing-clue-but-I-probably-shouldn't-have-done-that and said "People at this party are asking about us and what we're going to do and I said that we're doing long distance so if we're not you're going to have to tell them all and make me look bad."

Luckily for me, he had actually wanted to do long distance as well. Whew!

Drunken Tiffy saves the relationship! jk! Imagine that as a superhero. Corporate peon by day, Drunken Relationship Saver by night!

Anyway the inspiration for this entry was to share a song that I've been in love with for a little while. Gavin Rossdale from the alternative rock group Bush was my biggest crush when I was in 5th grade riding in a carpool with my brother and his friends. I was the uncool, annoying baby sister who grew up listening to music from them and other alternative/rock bands like Nirvana (hello, Al!), Stone Temple Pilots, Smashing Pumpkins, and Soundgarden to name a couple.

So when Gavin Rossdale came out with this new song I just had to share it with you. It's also featured in the trailer of this new movie (sappy chick flick?) coming up starring Richard Gere and the I-want-to-age-as-gracefully-as-you Diane Lane called Nights in Rodanthe.

So, here it is, Love Remains the Same. YouTube video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8R8Qvm24dbU

Karl and I both think it's a song about a second chance at love. And hope.

Hope you enjoy! Miss you all!

Love,
Tiffy

Everyday struggle...

As I was “Strolling down memory lane.” I thought I’d join the forum. It’s been a bit over a month and a half since Rhea left India and I can’t say I’ve gotten used to not seeing her around. I cherish the time we spent traveling together the few months she was here and I really hope this was a small preview of what is in store for our future.

When I came here in February, I had expectations for a great summer and the transition became easier because I knew I would see her soon. I don’t have that luxury right now and it’s difficult. It’s difficult not being there to go out on dates, to visit her in school, to miss her white coat ceremony. All I can do is assure her that like anything else, this phase shall pass and we’ll be together again.

Fortunately, I’ve found a partner who’s loving, understanding, and willing to share the trials as well as the tribulations of a long distance relationship. I’m quite a lucky guy.

Congratulations Miss First Year Representative for AMA at RWJ!

Strolling down memory lane.

What can I say? I wish my long distance situation was over! I miss him (x 10). And I get worried that I don't remember what its like to go out with him, to watch tv and cook together, to drive around, to joke, to just hang out. I want to see all of his faces. I want to be able to hold hands, have someone to spend my weekends with. I want my boyfriend back. And I hate that I can't talk much about my situation without getting that squinty, "awww, that sucks" look. I don't want to feel bad about my situation. I realize that its not for everyone and that most don't understand it. But that doesn't mean its not possible. I believe that so why don't others? 

I agree with Al; distance makes you rethink a lot of what you have and don't have. Its not easy to not have him be able to visit me, go on dates, come to my white coat ceremony. And yet, I wouldn't want any other person. There's just something there that we have that I know I won't have with any other person. So I content myself with msging...though its not all bad.

HIM: ur so good to me :-)

ME: hah right, i cant even be there for you, i feel crappy abt this distance

HIM: its ok, i love you

So I guess I weather the tough times and be thankful for the little things, like those 3 little words that fill space and time and distance. I may not remember all the little things, but I'll definitely look forward to the memories to come. 

Btw: Days until 1st Anatomy exam and/or sudden meltdown - 28

Empty Chair

Sometimes I think, "Gee, being on my own is so fun. I can do what I want, I can watch what I want, and I can go where I want." But, I realize that I miss her so much. I need her here with me. I want her here with me. I blame her for not being here but, in the end it is my fault. I should be there. I lose control without her. I have become so dependent on her that it scares me. The her is Katrina, from her earlier posts. I dare you to try a long distance relationship, I challenge you. I have become a monster, I get angry all the time. I tell myself that it is not because of her, but it is. I know, I know, this is a very dark and angry post but, when you have dealt with what I have this is honest. Sometimes angry is good, it gets the crazy out. I just am very broken up by her not with me. I love her so much, and sometimes I don't show it. It is the simple things, like visits or phone calls. Medical school makes her very busy so, I don't get visits or phone calls like I use too. But, hey, later in life I guess I can reap the benefits from doctor life. It just sucks, I don't know how people do this. I have never felt like this before but getting older has changed me. My friends now spend all their time with their girls and where is mine?!?!?! My advice is to remember every moment and down right take mental photos of your other. You never know when you will be apart. But who am I to talk, I am just a miserable person, who sometimes likes the drama. Good luck with the distance. Oh yeah, that pic is the Chinese symbol for true love. I think I can actually explain what love means, so I guess distance did do something for me. Go Mets!!!!

in between posts...

another visit from my honey in less than 48 hours :) . i promise a real post in the near future, but until then, here's a little something, something:


we're cheesy.

Counting Down To The Big Day (Not In A Good Way)

Denial.

With this all-powerful defense mechanism, I've managed to convince myself of the following things:

1. I don't really need to pack even though I need to ship boxes of my crap across an OCEAN...
2. Because I'm not really leaving New York. I'm gonna live here forever! I'm going to live forever!
3. My boyfriend and I don't need to discuss the painful stuff like whether to stay together or break up. It's a perfect world and we're going to stay together forever! (It sounds much better when done in a creepy, raspy, darth-vader, stalker tone of voice)

** Denial! Try it TODAY! **

Kidding aside, deep down the reality has actually set in and hit me hard.

I'm actually scared shitless of the thought of being away from him. Karl has been a phone call and a drive away everyday for the last few years, and will now have to be an email/skype/big body of water away. It hurts me to know that the warmth that has held me every night as I drifted into sleep will now be replaced by a cold, lifeless pillow. The smiles, the goodmorning kisses, the smell of him after a shower (or anytime, really), the feel of his newly shaven head against my fingers... all of that will now be memories instead of the habit that I've become accustomed to, and unfortunately taken for granted.

It breaks my heart whenever he says that he's waited for so long, and tried so hard to get me and that in the end it's come to this.

So here I am, twenty one days away from a tearful airport scene and a painful goodbye, from the the man who'll be keeping with him a big chunk of the heart that he fixed up...

I'm going to be carrying lots of tissues.

Photo With The Ocean That Would Inevitably Separate Us
San Francisco, CA - Summer 2007

post-blogging edit:
ME (9:37:35 AM): sigh

ME (9:37:40 AM): i haven't packed

ME (9:37:43 AM): i have to do that soon

ME (9:37:44 AM): soonish

HIM (9:37:46 AM): =(

ME (9:37:52 AM): your closet's going to be so empty

HIM (9:38:03 AM): so will my heart

sleepy blogging

Day 1 of orientation is over and I've already spent 15 hour getting to know my fellow classmates/future colleagues. I'm excited to say that things are figuring themselves out already. My nerves have settled, its the weekend so I talked [awhile] with my boy, and I've found an anatomy book to start reading that doesn't completely freak me out about how much I need to learn.

I'm happy to find my blog has been a way for me to keep in touch with my friends from far-away. I only needed to revisit my page to find out what they've been up to and how much our lives have become parallel over the last few months. Now if only I can get some more contributers...any volunteers?

I started reading this book for my PCM course and I'm worried I'm already addicted! This writer is excellent and he has an interesting story to tell. If any of you are looking for something to pick up, this is one to add to the reading list. Who knew medical school could offer some good reading suggestions outside the biochemistry/anatomy genre? On that note, back to reading...

pseudo long distance

So I'm sort of new to this whole "long distance" thing. As a matter of fact, I don't know if I even fit in here, considering my love is technically not even across time zones (although if it were I am sure it wouldn't be any less immense). And I can't really relate to the international phone call/calling card dilemma either, considering we have pretty good domestic cell phone plans. And I might not even have any right to complain about missing my boy, since he's paying me an extended visit right now and will probably do so regularly. What I can say, however, is that I know the distance won't be easy (and some days will be worse than others), but I am optimistic because I know, in the grand scheme of things (aka the rest of lives together), a few months apart is not that long, and 225 miles apart is not that far. In the mean time, here's how things are going so far:

Time living in DC -- 19 days
Time spent with the boy since the move -- 6 days
Time spent traveling between DC and NY -- 26 hours
Time spent in med school classs -- 18 hours
Time spent studying after class -- 15 hours
Time spent texting/on the phone/gchatting -- many hours
Time spent skyping -- None (see R's last post)
Time spent missing him -- any time I'm not with him

So, in short, I do miss my boy often, but missing just makes the time we do have together all the more valuable (even if it means spending 13 hours traveling to hang out for a day). That's all for now. I'll give some DC-NY relationship pointers another day :)

one week left.

Since Rhea mentioned the baby steps and big leaps...here's mine.

It's one week until I leave for Chicago.
And it's one week and one day until it's been ten months with him.

It was unbelievable almost ten months ago, when I met someone new who surprised and delighted me after recently dealing with a disappointing turn in my life. It was surreal when Rhea found her someone new who made her feel the same way. And then suddenly, it occurred to us our small group of friends from college were all in relationships of varying lengths but of similar sentiments.

We were all either falling in love, or had already kerplunked into it and were happily swimming in it like pairs of cuddle-fishies.

But as the months passed (and we kept count), out came the hurdles. Shari had to move to London because her visa didn't come through. Akhil moved back to India because he had visa issues as well. Tiff didn't get her visa either and soon she'll be going back home to Manila. Kat is going to med school in DC while Al stays up in New York.

As for me, I got accepted into the optometry school in Chicago. And with the exception of the first and only summer break, the short winter and spring breaks, I'll be in Chicago for the next four years. When I'm done, I'll be turning 27 that year, which is a scary thought, especially since it was that age of settling down way back when but now it's looming closer than expected. I'm thankful at least that Doug (from Singapore, getting a PhD at Caltech) is here for the next four years as well, so we won't be doing international long distance like Rhea is. But what happens after four years? Where will I go home to, LA or Singapore?

The thing is, as those who love me know, I've given the long distance thing a try once before. First it was domestic, then international, and to just really rub salt in the wound (because it did hurt), there was no e-mailing, skyping, or calling - just letters. And though I was given a time limit of two years separated, I could never really see the end to it. So when I decided to go to Chicago, and knowing how the separation could feel like, doing it for the second time seemed unthinkable. Of course, I could think of it the way Tiff said - I've grown up, matured, and learned from my mistakes. And maybe I have. I certainly hope so.

So instead of worrying about what will happen in four years, I'll make sure I have the most updated version of Skype, that my Blackberry is always fully charged, and hopefully we'll always have a plan to see each other once a month.

Baby steps.

Well, its more like giant baby steps. I'm moving today, officially. Meaning I'll be starting school, paying for cable, and coming home to my own apartment every night. Its a bit surreal really. I'm excited and scared at the same time and really wishing I wasn't doing this on my own. Then again, I guess I'm not truly on my own. I'm joining 139 other people coming from near and far to begin the crazy life that is medical school. Hmm, that still doesn't put me more at ease. Well, since this is a blog about long distance relationships, I should mention how I've been worrying lately about how the busy school schedule will affect my time to talk and be in touch with my boy. Its hard enough dealing with an 9 and 1/2 hour time difference. I'll be busy in class when he's ready to go to bed and he'll be rushing out to work when I'm finally getting back home. :-( We'll see what happens over the next few weeks but in the meantime, will you guys please download skype and get your video chats working [thats you Kat]! I feel like I'm currently in long distance relationships with more than just my boyfriend.

As I sort out my next few problems, I encourage all of you to download Ride by Cary Brothers. It was featured in the movie, Last Kiss, by Zach Braff (which I haven't actually seen) but I imagine it'll be as good as Garden State :-) Netflix, here I come! Also, I wish the best of luck to all my fellow friends who are taking big steps (more like leaps) of their own right now. 

I'm not one for cliches but maybe there's something to them...

So, 8 months and 2 days into our relationship and I can safely say I've never been happier. Even now, it brings a smile to my face to think of our conversation this morning when I went through my ordinary routine of telling him about my plans for the day. I'm sure my fellow passengers on the bus this morning wouldn't have guessed I was having anything but a normal conversation with my boyfriend. Well I was, even though he's 7300 miles away. In our ever growing, globalized world, I can be thankful for the innovations that have allowed me to stay in touch with my love, despite the many deserts, oceans, and countries that separate us. As my first entry in my first ever blog (about long distance relationships no less...i mean, who would've expected this?), I plan to share my experiences and a few handy tools to help others who may find themselves in a situation like my own. 

Reliance allows me to use my phone to call internationally without the worry of hearing my dad be like "Rhea, have you SEEN this phone bill?!?!?!" Basically its a pre-paid calling card that has amazing rates for international phone calls (7 cents/min for India). It allows me to call anytime I would like for however long I like without putting a dent in my phone bill, because it channels the call through a local, toll free number.  There are similar options out there including jajah among others.

I think its a necessity to have video chats (I mean, how long are you supposed to go without seeing each other?) I mostly use ichat (don't get me started on how much I love my macbook), but I also use skype as an alternative, especially since its free for anyone to download. Not to mention that you can also make phone calls through skype for really cheap rates as well.

For his part, since he can access email and internet through his iphone (the two of us promote apple in our spare time) he uses fring, to allow him to access gchat and/or skype at any time or place. This is handy for those of you who don't want to end up glued to the computer. 

That about covers the basics of our set up. I'm sure we've just scratched the surface of all the great resources out there, which makes me wonder how many others are dealing with the same thing as me. Now the question remains - (no, not the question of how I ended up in my long distance relationship) - does this help me forget that we are so far apart? Well, no, its still tough. But I'm beginning to believe that distance does make the heart grow fonder. Plus, I know a good thing when I see one.