hi baby,
right now you're sleeping but you're about to wake up. typically you'll snooze the alarm and snuggle up to me for a few more minutes before finally waking up to go to the bathroom. you'll pee, you'll wash your hands and face, you'll shave, you'll brush your teeth, you'll spray your axe and no matter how strong it is, i still love the way you smell. around this time you'll leave the bathroom to put on some clothes, and later to check the weather and grab a granola bar from the kitchen. and then you'll come over to the bed as i sleep there and kiss me on the forehead. sometimes i'm already awake and i reach over to hold your hand and just to feel you on my skin. the touch is soft and fleeting and it always leaves me wanting more. and when you whisper i love you it's always the point where i never want you to leave. where i wish that you could skip work and spend the day cuddling with me. i loved when you held me to sleep. i loved waking up next to you. <3
it's the end of the fourth full week of our separation, and it hasn't gotten any easier. maybe a part of me has become a little number because the pain i feel whenever you're not next to me as i go to bed has hardened me a little bit. there are nights that exhaustion gets the better of me and i can sleep without feeling empty. but sometimes, exhaustion isn't enough and i find a silent, solitary tear trickle down my cheek and onto the pillow. i miss you so much that it hurts.
on the whole i know that wherever we are, whatever we're doing, we're in each other's minds constantly. sometimes it manifests itself in a song that pops up on the radio, a little article on article on the internet, the smell of my (still-packed-in-my-luggage) clothes, or even in a food that i don't like to eat (that you happen to like). i smile when i think of you but i can not ignore that little twinge in my heart that wishes you were here to share these little moments with me.
as i mentioned before, the memories that float back to me are always the haphazard ones. the big "milestone" moments are in there - like the first time you said you loved me, vacations we've taken together. but takeout on the couch, and our sporadic sunday breakfasts of waffles, eggs and sausages ranks up just as highly as those.
as i'm rediscovering manila, i find that myself taking down little mental notes of places to take you so that you may be able to enjoy my home just as much as i used to before i left. before i knew that there was a whole different home that i could have. there are so many experiences i want to share with you. but most of all i wouldn't even mind just locking myself in a hotel room with you and just holding you. it's only been 33 days and this number will get higher... but one day a countdown of a different sort will start and one day it'll be 33 days til we see each other again.
on friday nights you would typically come home early - the 3:30 if you're lucky, or even the 5:30 at the very latest... we'd have dinner out and depending on our moods we'd either be out and about, or chilling on the couch watching "no reservations" or one of the other things on tivo.
and when we turn the lights out at the end of the day, i go to sleep thinking about how happy and how lucky i am to have you in my life.
and about how the hell you can snore so loudly! :P but that's another story. and i wouldn't trade the snoring for anything else in the world.
<3
love and miss you.
yours,
tiffany
2 comments:
<3 mine snores too. sometimes. not quite the roar your man's got. you know what they sayyyyy, loud snore...um...sleepless nights ;)
lol... jan is silly.
i can relate to the (re)discovering our current cities with our boys in mind... this is my first time living outside of NY since i've been an adult, and everywhere I go, from museums, to restaurants, to quiet streets, etc. i think, "I need to take Al here when he gets here!" Luckily he'll be here soon enough :)
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